Lost Without You
by wornmedown
Summary: Rachel and Quinn were best friends their entire lives until the day Quinn told her how she really felt. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Lost Without You (1/around10)**  
Pairing:** Faberry**  
Rating:** PG-13 just to be safe**  
Length:** 1098**  
Summary:** Rachel and Quinn were best friends their entire lives until the day Quinn told her how she really felt. It will eventually have major spoilers for the first 13 episodes, because pretty much everything that happened there between them will happen here.**  
Disclaimer: **Don't own Glee or anything really.

**A/N:** Don't have a beta, English is not my native language and I have no idea how to write the character of Rachel Berry. But if you like this chapter stick with me and at least it'll be fun to read =) Reviews would probably help me go faster. I have everything in my mind, just gotta write it down. Enjoy!**  
Side note**: This fic is completely dedicated to glori_ficus. I love you, girl, you rock my world.

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**Chapter 1**

"I love you" Those three little words fucked up my life. "I love you" was that so hard NOT to say? Yes, I couldn't keep it to myself anymore so I had to say it, the words got out of my mouth before I even realized it.

You see, it happened a year and a half ago, we were about to start our freshman year and were so excited. 'We' as in Rachel and me. Yes, this might come as a shock to you but we were best friends, for as long as I can remember. I honestly don't remember anything before her, because we were 3 years old when we met. And I can't think of any important moment of my life that she hasn't been a part of.

When we were little girls we played always at her house. We dressed up, we sang and danced. When she was sad or upset about something I used to bake her cookies and hug her to sleep. When I was sad or upset, she sang to me, that girl's voice will always put a smile on my face. We watched movies, musicals and TV shows together. We performed (sang, danced and acted) every year for her parents around Christmas (we celebrated Chrismukkah after The OC went on the air).

She was there for me when my grandfather died, I was there for her when her grandparents –Louis' parents- rejected her (the first and the second time) because they'd still didn't approve of their son's "choice". And we were there for all the happy moments too. You get the idea. No, I didn't live at her house, but I might as well had. But that's a story for another time.

We were kids when she called me Quinnie for the first time, a little bit after that she realized it sounded a lot like Winnie and began to call me Quinnie the Pooh "am I that fat?" I ask laughing. "Nope, you're also blonde" was her six-year-old logic. I didn't really like the nickname at first, but with time it was Quinnie Pooh or just Quinnie and I loved it, because it was _her_ name for me.

We were looking at the sky one night and Sam (Rachel's other dad) was showing us the stars and constellations. When he got to Orion, our eyes went right to the red star. "Rigel" he said. We were 8 years old and found it funny how it sounded a lot like Rachel. We couldn't stop saying both names and laugh. But when we did stop, and her dad went on talking, I whispered to her "Rigel is actually pretty and a star, just like you are". She, being Rachel Berry even at 8, turned to me and say firmly "I am not a star yet, but yes, thank you, I will be someday, I will be the Rigel of Earth". I chuckled. "Yes, you will. But you already are my Rigel". She smiled that beautiful smile of hers and that was it. I was her Quinnie Pooh and she was my Rigel.

So we grew up together and when puberty came I pretty much began to feel something more for her. When I was a kid I liked boys, but ever since I found out what a lesbian was, I wondered what would happened if I were one, and I doubted every time I liked a girl as a friend. This was the only thing about me that my best friend never knew. Not because I was scared at her reaction or anything, she's got two dads after all, and she really is open minded. But I guess, deep down, part of me always knew the truth and that part was scared to death that she'd found that I was into her.

Because Rigel never had that problem, at least she never mentioned it. She was sure she was straight, even though she always ended up saying she didn't believe in labels. This actually gave me hope.

So I started to convince myself that she might, maybe, perhaps, somehow, be feeling the same way I was.

And that day, the night before we began High School… we were in her bedroom laughing hysterically at a random joke when my brain stopped working and my mouth let the "I love you" escape. It would've been ok, it would have been perfectly fine because friends love each other, but I froze. She kept laughing and I was seeing everything in slow motion, hearing absolutely nothing. Until suddenly it hit her and she wasn't laughing anymore, she was staring. Staring at me like she was trying to see the wall behind me, trying to look right through me. Fear all over her face. I couldn't breathe.

"You… you love me? You're in love with me?" she was whispering and her voice broke for a second there.

My answer should've been quick… "as a friend" I should've said… "as a friend" geez, it wasn't THAT hard, everybody lies so why wouldn't I?… but it was hard at that moment. Because, as I said, my brain wasn't working, so I said absolutely nothing, which gave her the truth.

"I'm sorry" I finally said, crying. I got up and try to leave but her hand stopped me. I could swear she was about to cry but hold back and compose herself, she kept looking at me and I kept crying like a baby, so desperate, so embarrassed. "Ri- Rach, I am so sorry" I tried to reach out to her, tried to put my hand in her shoulder but she backed off quickly, too quickly, like I was going to hurt her or something. She looked down and never looked back up. We were sitting like that for at least an hour, she'd never been silent for that long in her entire life, and I'd never cried non-stop for that long.

Finally I was tired of crying and just wanted to go home so I stood up and walked to the door. But Rachel stopped me and hugged me like there was no tomorrow and I swallowed hard. I would have stayed in her arms forever, but she broke hug and went back to sit in her bed so I left.

And there was no tomorrow. Because that was the last time we hugged, the last time we spoke to each other, nicely that is. That was the time I lost my best friend. And right there in that bedroom I left a big part of my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews… =) I hope you like this one and keep reviewing, even if you don't like it. This is just the beginning of the story and now we have another POV ;)

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"I love you too" was that so difficult to say? Well, actually, it was. "I don't wanna lose you", "I'm confused", "Of course we can still be friends" There's a million things I could have said. I've been reliving that moment in my head every night for the past year. My best friend, the best girl I've ever met, she told me she loved me and I couldn't find one word to say back, I was paralyzed, I don't know what I was so afraid of. For the first six months I convinced myself that I was being as selfless as I could, I couldn't be her friend if I didn't return the feelings she had, it was unfair to her. So I didn't allow myself to think about it, because it was the right thing to do. For her.

But as time passed by I realized I've been feeling the same way she has all along, so I told myself that I was too afraid to lose her as a friend, a year and a half now and I know, I get it, I lost her anyway.

Because after that night she tried to keep being friends but I simply pushed her away, ignored her completely. I thought that way I wouldn't hurt her too much. But I hurt her anyway and I hurt her a lot. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of those days, I would do it completely different now but I just didn't know better back then.

"Rach please, can we just talk? I can move on, y'know? We don't have to stop being friends… Rigel…?" Voice messages like that were a constant on my cellphone. But I said it before and I'll say it again, it wouldn't have been fair to her. So I never called her back.

The last time she tried was at school… she found me practicing alone in the auditorium and as I tried to ran away she grabbed my arm and whispered "I thought we were best friends, I… I get that you're not in love with me, but at least I thought you cared about me. Did I ever mean anything to you? How can you pretend I don't exist anymore?"

She was crying and it was breaking my heart (it's amazing how it can always break a little more) so I couldn't look at her as I answered "I can because I have to. It's the right thing to do, Quinn". I got off her grip and left her alone in that big dark place. Calling her 'Quinn' sounded extremely weird, it seems to me that I never called her that way, so I know what it must had been for her to hear it, but it was what she needed, I thought, calling her Quinn was the fastest way of telling her we were not friends anymore.

After that, as expected, she stopped trying to reach me and started hanging out more and more with her cheerios friends. She was the sweetest person over this planet and because of me she became the Ice Queen (no pun intended). For the past year Quinn Fabray hasn't been herself and I'm to blame.

Seeing her being all bicthy and cold broke –and still breaks- my heart, but me being the cause of that… well, it tears my soul apart. After really ignoring me for a long time (she was way better than me on that account) she began to name-calling me, which at first I found nice, at least she was acknowledging my existence. But then it just hurt me, because I knew that not only I had lost her completely but she lost herself too.

I was in a hurry that day, I was peeing myself to be honest. And I needed to get to the bathroom ASAP. So I ran… and BAM! There she was. I bumped into my ex-best friend who was minding her own business with the toughest and meanest cheerio… Santana. I fell on the floor and stared at Quinn. "I'm sorry" I said quickly. The blonde looked down on me, recomposed herself and spoke her first words at me since that day at the auditorium. "Watch where you're going, Man Hands!" Santana laughed and they kept walking. I couldn't bring myself to stand up, I honestly was glad that she'd talked to me, but deep down it wasn't good at all.

I wish I could say the worst part of this was the name-calling or when she ignored me. But it wasn't. The day I will never forget was the one it hurt the most. It wasn't too long ago, it was at the beginning of this year, Quinn Fabray had become Captain of the Cheerios, and as such there's certain things you MUST do. I get that. What I will never comprehend was why I was her target. I was walking to Math when all of the sudden I saw her coming towards me, slushie in hand… and I swear I didn't see it coming. It sounds cheesy but I didn't feel it in my face, it didn't do anything to my pride or self esteem, that slushie hit my heart. I learned then that I didn't know her anymore. But I feel the need to repeat that this is all my fault. I could never blame her for any of this. No matter how bad she treats me or how many slushies she throws at me. I deserve it.

While I tried to live without my Quinnie Pooh this past year and a half, I've been trying to get distracted with school, Glee club and any other activity I could think of (mostly uploading videos to MySpace). But I didn't really enjoy any of it.

Now, Mr. Schue is taking over Glee Club and I'm hoping this will be a good change. He seems very excited about it and he dreams to take us to Nationals, and as we all know, big things happened when we dream big. So I want to take this chance to focus on my career and stop thinking about the blonde that was once my best friend and is now the girl of my dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks so much! For reading and review, keep on going =) I love you guys. I'm gonna be busy so I don't know when I'll be able to post the next chapter, but reviews really, truly make me write faster.

Hope you enjoy this one as well!

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**Chapter 3**

I don't know how Mr Schue did it, but he found what I asked him for. He got me a male lead who can keep up with me vocally and as a big plus, he is also very attractive. The boy is no other than Finn Hudson, one of the most popular kids in our school. Did I mention that he is attractive and can sing really well? Well, yes. He is just what I've been needing to finally get over a certain blonde.

It's just a crush for now because I don't really know him. But I see the potential in our relationship and I could easily fall for a guy like that. So I need to find out where he stands.

"I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the hot male lead, and me, the stunning young ingenue everyone roots for."

"Well, I, uh, have a girlfriend."

"Really? Who?"

"Quinn Fabray"

To say that my heart skipped a beat would be an understatement. I don't know how am I still breathing. But I am, that much I can deduce (sp?) because you need to breathe to speak and I'm kinda speaking.

"Cheerleader Quinn Fabray? The president of the Celibacy Club?"

"We're almost four months now. She's cool."

How did I not know she was dating someone? Granted, we're not in speaking terms, but she's still the most popular girl in this place and I'm in the Glee Club with the king and queen of gossip so you would think that I would know this, right? Specially since in my trying-to-be-distracted mission I always end up staring at her. But maybe it's something I just didn't want to see, something my brain never wanted to process… but now it's impossible not to hear it, impossible for my brain not to register what Finn just said. My Quinnie Pooh is dating my crush of the moment. This does not sound good at all.

-----o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-----

"Quinn! Quinn! Wait up!"

Finn calls out to me and I don't really feel like turning around, but I have to, he's my boyfriend after all.

That word still sounds weird in my head. Ever since I admitted to myself the feelings I had for Rachel, I never thought I would have a boyfriend. At first he was just company, I was a mess, I thought no one cared about me and I thought maybe I deserved it for whatever reason, because the only person I thought really cared about me, proved me wrong. And right at that time he was there and made me feel needed again, he truly cared about me. Then I started to like him for who he is too, he's a really good guy and I don't wanna lose him, but I know I won't ever be able to love him. Or anyone for that matter. Anyone who isn't her.

"Finn, hey, where you've been all day?"

"I… I…" He's extremely nervous and I'm a little scared now. Maybe he doesn't care that much about me, maybe I was wrong about him too.

"Mr Schue made me join Glee Club"

"Made you? He MADE you?? How, why?!" I'm really mad at Mr. Schue right now for making him do something he clearly doesn't want.

"For extra credit, it doesn't matter, I have to do it" I can tell he's lying but I don't care anymore because it just sink in. He's joining Glee Club. The place where my- where Rachel Berry is the star or at least should be.

"And it's not that bad really, I feel good when I sing, so I'm gonna keep doing it"

I need to run before I start saying things I could really regret later, I need him not to see my eyes filling up with tears at the thought of Rachel and the possibility that now everything is going to be much harder because we'll probably see each other more often. "Oh ok, look, I have to go now, we'll talk later"

I turn around and walk as fast as I can, I've no idea where I'm going and I don't really care. I left him standing there probably thinking I didn't like the idea of him in Glee Club, and he'd be right about that but not for the reasons I think he's thinking.

Man-hands, Ru Paul, Treasure Trail, slushies, making her feel invisible. I've done some terrible things to her this past year. But I never planned any of that. It's like I'm two different people but I swear I don't do it on purpose. I go to school following the principle of inertia, (yes, I know my physics… at least I know that much), I try not to think, not look around to anything or anyone else than Finn, Britanna or Santana (and occasionally Puck), I try to be busy with homework, tests and the Cheerios practice. Because when I stop or when I'm not looking at those people, I think, and I feel the emptiness inside, I feel the part of my heart that's not in Rachel's bedroom keeping me alive through broken heartbeats. And it's too much.

And that's how I feel every night when I'm alone in my bed, crying my eyes out until I fall sleep, but ever since this year started, I stopped crying because of my hole inside, I now cry because of how much I must be hurting her, with every new nickname, with every slushie I throw at her… and I wish I was able to stop, I wish I could let my guard down and tell her I still love her, but my heart's not mend yet so I can't bring myself to do it. 'Cause I still blame myself for telling her in the first place, and I still blame her and her stupid brain for being so logical, for doing what "is the right thing to do". I still blame her for breaking my heart.

I find myself in an empty classroom now and I can't stop my tears from falling as I crashed to the floor. Suddenly Brittany bursts in, she must have seen me and followed me, and I'm really glad she did, and that it's her, just her. She hugs me and I for once feel someone else cares. She doesn't ask questions, she just stays with me until I'm better and I love her for that.

Now everything seems okay again, well, not okay, but normal, as usual... so Brittany speaks softly "Hey, hm, Quinn… Sue wanted you and Santana to go on some kind of mission with her. I didn't really hear her much". I smile at her, thanking her silently and she smiles back while she nods in understanding.

I find Sue and Santana on the hall and in a hurry "Q! Was about time! You're coming with us!" I look at Santana asking her with my eyes and she looks at me equally confused. As we get closer to the Auditorium I start hearing the music and I slowly begin to freak out.

_"…living in a lonely word, she took the midnight train going anywhere"_

If I hadn't just stepped inside and wasn't watching the scene before me I wouldn't believe that's Finn, how come I never knew he had that voice?

_"Just a city boy"_

Oh, but her voice. I'd recognize her voice anywhere. She could be singing locked in her house and I could be in… Pluto and I would still know it's hers. And she looks beautiful with that red t-shirt and that jean, she should dress like that more often.

_"Some will win, some will lose"_

I suddenly snap out of my staring because I see her eyes looking at him, she's enjoying this, they both are, but she's enjoying this way too much. I remember when I used to see her eyes sparkle like that, her eyes always shine when she sings, but they only sparkled in special occasions when she sang to me.

_"…hold on to that feeling"_

I hate that I have to be here, I hate that I can't stop watching them, I hate that I'm actually jealous, and I hate that I don't care one bit about the way he is looking at her. Because it means I don't really care about him, he could cheat on me and I'd be fine, as long as he doesn't do it with my Rigel.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey guys! I didn't really like this chapter too much, but here it is because I don't think I can make it better lol, plus, I wanna move forward into more interesting parts of this story =)

It's not always going to be "one episode = one chapter", it's just that some episodes give me a lot to work with. We're slowly getting into the good and happy part, stay with me.

Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming! I hope I can update soon!

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**Chapter 4**

"I'm not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself." I'm desperate, I don't know what else to do. It's either asking him to give up Glee or breaking up with him, and that last option would've broken his heart. I need not to be so close to her all the time. And maybe that's a lie. Maybe I actually need her not to be so close to him all the time.

As we keep discussing, I see her listening to us. I'd love to think that it's because she wants to know about me, but I know better, she really wants to hear Finn's answer. She wants him to stay in Glee Club and I can't deny that it hurts.

"Everything's going to work out." He says to me and leaves. Leaving me in this hallway alone with her. And I swear I can see her smiling. I know she's truly glad that Finn is going to stay in Glee Club and I can't help but frown. My mouth speaks before I even realize it and it's bad, 'cause I know it's not gonna be nice. "Eavesdrop much?" Well, it wasn't that bad. But my feet start to move and I'm like trap in my own body because if I were thinking clearly I wouldn't be doing any of this.

"Time for some girl talk, man hands. You can dance with him, you can sing with him, but you will never have him."

-----o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-----

"Eavesdrop much?" She's getting closer to me and my heart is beating fast, I want to run. But I'm not a person who runs, not anymore.

"Time for some girl talk, man hands. You can dance with him, you can sing with him, but you will never have him." Of course she noticed my crush. She knows me better than anyone and for a talented actress such as myself, I'm sad to say I'm pretty easy to read. So she probably wasn't the only person to notice. At least she's not being too mean to me. What I don't understand is why she feels so threatened. I would never steal her boyfriend, I'm not like that, even if she doesn't remember that, she should know I wouldn't do it out of respect for all the years our friendship lasted. So that's what I tell her, in other words of course.

But as I finish, I can help but to make one further addendum "Every day Glee's status is going up and yours is going down... deal with it." I don't know where that came from, I think I'm getting tired of her acting all superior on me, because that's not who she is.

I turn around and… SPLASH

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Someone threw a slushie on her face and I laugh at the irony, hey, it doesn't make me a bad person, you'd have laughed too. But in a few seconds my laugh turns into a frown. Why would anyone do that to her? Why have I? She's running to the bathroom now and I have the need to follow her.

She's trying to clean herself up but her hair keeps falling down her face, making things complicated. I stand behind her and gently grab all of her hair. "Thank you" she says as she turns around, she sees me, freaks out and backs off. "You shouldn't be here, Quinn" She states too defensively.

"Look, for some reason I can't remember right now, I felt bad for you and wanted to help you, so please-"

"What about the times you were the one doing this to me?" Her voice is soft and her eyes are filling up and I feel my own heart breaking yet a little bit more. Because I never wanted to do that. Because I suddenly remember the reason I'm here, I love her.

"You know I'm sorry, Rach" I say looking and feeling guilty, I start walking closer to her slowly and I'm beginning to think that my legs have a brain on their own 'cause my mind and heart really don't wanna be doing this.

"I'm sorry about Finn… Quinn, I'm so sorry" Her head looking to the floor, and her whisper was barely audible. We both know she's talking about everything and I finally stop. Trying to fight back my tears and knowing my heart still has a long way to go before it forgives her I say coldly "I was just talking about the slushies" I back off.

She looks up, right into my eyes that are probably as red as hers. "Well I wasn't talking just about Finn. You know I've always cared about you, it was stupid of me to let you think otherwise. I'm sorry."

Silence. Our eyes can't look away. It's not like I'm not trying.

She tries to reach my hand "Can we be friends again?" I back off a little more. "I can't…" my voice and my composure fail me. "I can't do this, Rachel, I'm not ready… I – " Crying, I manage to keep talking because she's patiently waiting. "You've hurt me a lot. Sorry doesn't heal me, it's not enough". I calm myself down, not allowing her to get near me and I leave.

-----o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-----

Not running away. Not anymore. That's my new motto. I'm gonna get Quinn's friendship back, I owe us at least that much. And now we're here. Together, and even though I didn't actually made it happen, I can accept this new challenge.

Here's how it went.

Ms. P didn't think for a second that I was talking about Quinn, and that's a good thing. I went to her for advice on how to get close to my Quinnie, actually, she caught me in the bathroom after a bad meal and she thought I was a bulimic.

Her advice, even though I couldn't tell her the whole truth, was good enough. Find ommon interests. And I know everything she likes, because somewhere in there still lives my best friend.

I couldn't even think about being a Cheerio so I went to the only other place I could spend time with her. The Celibacy Club. But that was a failure 'cause she's obviously being a hypocrite (along with everyone else in that club), I'm guessing she's doing this just because is the easiest way for her not to have sex with Finn. Not that I'm not complaining about that.

But then Mr Schue told me she joined Glee Club. I was gonna spend a lot of time with her and I didn't even make it happen.. And he said she's singing my solo. Wait… what?

"You're giving Quinn Fabray the solo? That's my solo"

I couldn't be mad at her, she probably didn't even know it yet. And a tiny little part of me was thrilled that I was gonna hear her sing again. But it was still my solo. Anyway, why did she do it? Why did she join Glee Club, especially after what she had said to me a couple of days ago. Must be because of Finn, she probably wanted to spend more time with her so-called boyfriend. Even if he's a cheater.

Right. Because in the middle of all of this Finn kissed me. I needed him to elevate my self-esteem, but I also needed to know if he was capable of cheating on a girl like Quinn. And now my crush is no-more. He's a typical teenage boy, and I'm even more focus on my new mission: reassume my best-friend position before he breaks her heart, so I can be there for her when it happens.

So here we are. First day of practice is over and she just sang a beautiful version of my Don't Stop Believing solo. Everyone left but us.

"You did good today" I smile at her and say nothing else… because I have to take it slow, I screwed up once, and I like her too damn much to do it again. I'd even tell her exactly how I feel but she loves Finn now and I must respect that. So friends it is (or will be). It's a start.

-----o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-----

There's nothing I would say no to when she smiles like that. And I know how hard this must be for her because it was her solo after all. So I give her a small smile back. But it still hurts. I joined Glee Club out of jealousy after seeing that… performance, if you can call it that to the… porn scene they did on stage the other day. She was into him, she was all over him in every sense of that phrase. I get why she likes him so much, and I wish I could back off and let them be happy together, I just can't. I get that she doesn't like me and that she's trying to make amends… I will be able to forgive her eventually, but I don't know if I can be just her friend. For now, I can at least stop being so cold. She smiles even wider at me and leaves, leaving me all warm and fussy inside. Damn her smile.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: thanks for keep reading this =) your reviews and alerts make my day every time.

And hey, Sam, don't worry about your English, I'm from Argentina so mine sucks too =P

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**Chapter 5**

These past weeks were good, generally speaking. Sometimes we both act mean or indifferent like we've been acting, but most of the time we're polite and even nice. Because I know she's trying and slowly I'm letting her come back. Although my jealousy would probably kill me, I think I'd rather have her in my life like this than not at all… because honestly, I don't know how to live without her. I've realized that when she briefly left Glee Club, I'm sure it was one of those "I'm avoiding you" moments of her because I wasn't making it easy for her to be nice to me. Anyway, she just got back and sang a lovely version of "Somebody to Love", then again what doesn't sound lovely with her voice?

Now I'm in the choir room by myself, picking up my things, getting ready to go home.

"I know everything" sometimes she enters a room with the same amount of drama that she leaves. And I love it.

"What do you know, Rachel?" I ask tired.

"Look Quinn, I'm not trying to give you a lecture or anything, but you're pregnant! I know we're not friends anymore and I can deal with the fact that I've missed some major moments in your life like your first kiss, your first boyfriend and obviously your first time and I'm sorry, okay? But you should've told me this, you shouldn't go through this alone, you're my Quinnie Pooh, we've talked about these things since we were little kids and I… I'm here for you, you can trust me, I-" she's crying now and I need to cut her off somehow.

"Stop, Rachel, please" my voice breaking and my tears falling get her attention. "Don't call me that" I beg her whispering my soul out. Because it kills me hearing her say I'm hers and with that nickname.

She looks down and waits, she knows it's my turn to talk now.

"You still know me better than anyone. So you know I'm going to keep this baby for nine months and I still don't know what I'm gonna do after that. I didn't want to have sex with him. That's all I'm going to say to you for now. We're not friends anymore, but I do appreciate everything you're doing. I just want to ask you something… not out of the non-realtionship we have now, but for the friendship we once had."

"Anything, Quinn" she tries a smile, and I'm glad she's not asking anything else because I still can't lie to her and this is not the time to break and tell the whole truth.

"Don't tell your parents. I'll do it, I need to—"

"Do you want me t-"

"Alone. If I can't face them alone, I can't imagine what it'd be like with my own parents."

"You don't necessarily have to do that alone either, Quinn"

"Thank you. But I'm flying solo now" I turn around and leave. She's not the only one who knows how to make an exit successful. She knows I said that as a reference to her ringtone, to the song we sang a million times together (along with the entire Wicked soundtrack, of course). And I know it probably hurt her a little, but I can't help it, it's exactly how I feel.

I stand outside the Berry's house. It's been too long and God, I've missed this place. I fight back my tears as I gather my strength to do this and memories of old times rush into my mind.

Rachel's dads were more than a family to me than my own. I'm sure you know how my parents are. So you can imagine what happened when they found out about Rachel's.

For many years of our friendship Sam was the only one my parents knew. It was Louis and Sam agreement at first so Rachel could have a friend that wasn't taken away from her by homophobic parents. But when we were 6 years old, my parents found out and it was ugly, they didn't let me see her. So I told the biggest lie of my life (I don't know if even this baby drama tops that)… I began to tell them I was at Brittany's everyday when I actually was at Rachel's. Brit and her parents helped me cover the lie. They knew the Berrys and they saw me cry so hard that they had to help me, that family has such a good heart.

Louis and Sam were my dads too, I know that they raised me as much as my own parents did, and way better I must admit. So I'd hate to disappoint them and I know I'm about to.

I finally knock.

"Quinn?!" Louis is surprised, happy, and about to start crying. He hugs me as if I was his lost daughter or something. And maybe I am. And suddenly there's a thought in my head that I cannot believe I've never thought of before. Did she tell them? Did she tell them what happened between us? What I said to her? I'm blushing now. But I'm holding him tight, I'm loving this hug because no one has hugged me like this in like… a year and half, and it feels good.

He's the one to end it, smiling. "Quinnie, hun, how are you doing? Come in!" maybe she didn't tell them.

"Are you here to see Rach? I'm so glad you guys are talking again, she was so lonely without you…"

"I don't.. we're not- well, we are talking.. how did you-? Do you… know what happened between us?" I ask with such a fear in my voice… I'd like to be anywhere else right now.

"Oh nonono.. she's been pretty quiet about the whole thing, and we respected her. But we knew you were friends again when she began to smile often again"

"We're not friends again.. not yet anyway" I say it so softly, maybe he didn't hear me. But he did. "oh…"

"I'm here to talk to you actually. And Sam. I need you guys to know something, I need you to hear it from me before anyone else in this town tell you"

Sam timing is perfect and his smile is even wider than Louis' was. "Quinncy!" he hugs me and I don't want this feeling to go away, this feeling of home these guys give me.

"She came to tell us something, it sounds important, let's sit down" Louis takes my hand and leads me to the couch, they both sit in front of me.

"No matter what happened between me and Rachel and whatever happens from now on… I will always think of you as my family. You're like my parents, you raised me and I love you both so much, I don't want to disappoint you, I—"

"Hun, you're rambling… are you sure you haven't been spending time with Rachel lately?" Louis jokes and I can't help to chuckle. Both of them have tears in their eyes and Sam whispers "We love you too by the way"

My smile is shy, I'm so embarrassed right now, I don't dare to look at them, so I stare at the floor as I say "I- I'm pregnant"

Silence.

I can't breathe, I can't take this. I break.

Crying my heart out I begin to speak non-stop, a-la Rachel "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happened, I didn't even wanted to have sex with a guy, now my life is ruined and I know I'll probably give it for adoption but how am I going to survive these nine months? My parents are going to kill me! I was so stupid, I shouldn't have drink that much, I-"

They are both sitting next to me now, Sam hugs and shushes me and Louis is rubbing gently my back as he says "Hun, it's okay, it'll be okay"

Sam put his hands on my shoulders and push me back, he makes me look at him and my red eyes are now lock with his caring ones. "You can count on us, Quincy, you're like a daughter to us and we won't let you get through this alone, okay?" I cry even more and nod.

Rachel's timing is as good as Sam's. "Dad! Daddy! I'm ho-!" she stops when she sees me and she looks beautifully worry. "Quinn" she says softly.

I stand up quickly and look nervously at her "I was… just leaving. I already told them"

"You don't have to-" Rachel is cut off by Louis "You can stay for dinner if you want" and Rachel show me that smile of her. "Sure, thanks…" I tell the men before turning to the best singer I know "…for everything" I give her a small smile and she's happy with that, she's not pressuring me and I love her even more for that… it's definitely a bad idea to be just friends.

Dinner went pretty well, we had a lot of catching up to do and so we did. This led to Rachel and me not talking to each other much, thankfully.

Sam gave me a ride home and told me again that they'll be there if I needed them. I thanked him once again.

I'm in my bed now, I can't sleep thinking about everything, thinking how much at home I felt tonight when I wasn't at my house. And I feel so guilty... I've been blaming her for everything and I know I'm right about it but I've been a bitch to her this past year and even if she did break my heart more than once, she didn't deserve any of my crap, I could have just ignored her, but my stupid way of dealing with everything was being too mean to her, I hate myself for that and she should too but she doesn't, maybe she feels guilty too.

I try to stop thinking and sleep, but every time I do that two big brown eyes appear in my head, her gorgeous eyes that tells me she's forgiven me and she's asking for her own forgiveness… and her smile that reminds me I can't let her be my friend again, but I can't get through my life without her, and I can't quit Glee Club now because I actually like it. If only she'd liked me this way…

I hate my messed up brain right now.

-----o-o-o-o-o-o-o-----

I can't believe she missed practice today. She knew the boys had to sing and we had to watch the competition to see what we're up against. Plus, things were finally going well between us.

"Haven't seen you at glee rehearsals."

"I'm not superwoman. I know Glee is your whole life… but I have the cheerios, I'm on honor roll, I have friends." She knows she's not fooling anyone, least of all me. I know what she's trying to do and I'm going to play this game with her, but I won't let her win. So we're going to talk like we're used to in the hallway of high school, almost like strangers, saying everything we want by saying something else.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. No one at glee is gonna judge you. Look, I know everyone expects us to be enemies" because nobody really knows about our previous relationship "And be in competition, but I don't hate you."

"Why not? I've been awful to you." I know what she's saying and it's good she's finally admitting this.

"That was before you knew what it felt like to be me; An outsider. More people are gonna start finding out about this, and you're gonna need friends who can relate."

"How can you relate to what I'm going through?" that's it, what I suspected. She's getting cold feet on me after last night. So I've got to keep doing this smoothly.

"You don't think people whisper about me in the lunchrooms or draw pornographic pictures of me on the bathroom walls?"

"That was me, actually" Oh god, she looks embarrassed and I don't even dare to ask why. But I'm glad it was her because if it means what I think it means, at least it's not such a bad thing. But I do need to change the subject fast.

"Look, I don't agree with the choice you're making, But you're gonna need Glee. You have seven months of your youth left. You should enjoy it. And let's face it, in a couple of months that cheerleading uniform isn't gonna fit and we're gonna be all you have left." I wanted to say "I am" instead of "we're" but it was a bit too much. "Just come back to practice. Boys versus girls it's fun. And we could certainly use your voice right now. You're actually a good singer, Quinn. Occasionally sharp, but that's just because you lack my years of training."

"I would have tortured you if the roles were reversed, you know?" she makes a lame attempt but I know she would have been right beside me.

"I know" and I leave, because that was the most friendly conversation we had in the hallway since we started high school. I smile proudly as I feel her eyes on my neck, things are definitely looking up.

-----o-o-o-o-o-o-o-----

We made it. We did the Halo/Walking On Sunshine number and it was great. Even when we rehearsed it, things between Rach and me were so natural, it was fine… those things we said in the hallway really got through me and I finally made the choice of try and be friends.

I know she's still a bit high on those "vitamins" we took when she approaches me on the dressing room. "Quinn! We cannot reassume our friendship without me being honest with you, I need to be completely honest, you need to know, Quinn, I can't keep this from you…" she's rambling and I'm freaking out, could it be? Could it possibly be she does have feelings for me too?  
"I know he's your boyfriend and I knew it when it happened, I feel awful, Quinn, I am so so sorry, you have to believe me and you need to know… Finn kissed me."


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you all! Hola Heymaria! =P

Elizabeth354 I hope I don't disappoint you with Quinn's reaction XD

Oh, and I still don't own a thing.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"Finn kissed me"

Maybe she'll never know why I ran after I heard that, she kept talking, I guess she was apologizing but I didn't really care. Because it didn't hurt that they cheated on me, not one bit. You know what it hurt, it was her kissing someone else. She really does like him, so she really doesn't like me. That's it. No friendship is possible for us. I can't do it.

I'm not interested on bringing the subject on Finn now, because honestly, with everything else going on in my life, I can't handle a break up, that talk and everything that comes with it. So I'll let it pass for now.

----o-o-o-o-o----

"Rachel!" Finn comes running towards me and I'm scared. Quinn probably broke up with him and it's my fault, poor guy. Well, actually, he cheated on her so he deserves it. As do I.

"Finn."

"It's a girl! The baby is a girl"

"Oh…" wow, I can't believe she didn't take his head off. "that's great, congratulations, Finn" I smile as genuinely as I can.

"Yeah, she's not keeping her though, but it's okay"

"oh…" I can't find what to say, all I can think of is Quinn, and suddenly I remember something "Oh! speaking about the baby, I should probably tell you that Jacob knows she's pregnant"

The conversation went on, I explained to him what I had to do to protect them… panties… there's actually not known therapy that could help me with that.

----o-o-o-o-o-----

"You know, sometimes I wish you were a little more like Rachel." I should be taking his eyes off right now. But I can't help but think he's right, I wish I could be more like Rachel **all** the time.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She cares about my feelings. She sticks up for me. She sticks up for both of us." Yeah, well, unlike me, she likes you as more than a friend.

"You know that she gave that Jacob kid a pair of her underpants just to keep him from posting on his blog about you being pregnant?"

Oh my God. "You think she did that for me? Just to be a good teammate?"

"Yeah. That's what she told me."

I actually do believe that she did it for me, because she's still trying, especially now that she must be thinking she needs to be forgiven about the kiss. But I also know she did it and told him so 'cause she wants him, and she wants him to know how good a person she is.

And now I need to tell him something that will hurt him 'cause honestly, I can't believe how clueless this guy is sometimes. "I know some guys cheat on their wives or pregnant girlfriends. Just don't do it with her." Please, don't touch her again.

We're in the choir room now, just the 'not-minority kids' with Mr Schue. "So, I thought we would try a kinder approach." Mr Schue hands me the music sheet. 'No Air'

"All right, Finn and Rachel, come up here; you're gonna take the leads." Of course. God, I can't do this… and being so few of us, I can't go in the back and not look at them.

They both look happy and can't stop look at each other. Disgusting.

"So much for togetherness" Because, really.

With each rehearsal of this song, another part of my heart breaks. I can't take my eyes off of her. She's hypnotizing when she sings and she's looking at him with so much passion. She means what she's saying to him and it's slowly and painfully killing me.

We're singing in the auditorium now and they're so close that I have this sudden urge to punch him. Instead, I push him hard enough. "Excuse me. What about us? Do you expect us to just sway back here like props?"

When it comes to Sue Sylvester I don't think. I act. I follow her orders because she's my couch and that's it. I'm not afraid of her but I'd like to keep being captain of the Cheerios, for as long as I can, and with the baby I know it won't be much longer.

But it sucks now because they all left with her and I'm stuck in Glee with just the two of them. I need to do something. I can't stand this anymore.

Glee's over and she's in front of her locker room. I gotta tell her something, whatever, but I can't keep seeing them together like that.

"Listen here, treasure-trail, we're about to have a smack down."

"I don't want to have a confrontation." She's scared, she's probably thinking I'll finally tell her something about the cheating.

"Don't play stupid with me, stubbles. I'm having Finn's baby and you need to back off. I'm asking you as nicely as I possibly can. Leave him alone." This is the best I can do. That's it. I can't bring myself to break down in front of her again, so I just play the jealous girlfriend. The end result will be the same and that's what matters.

-----o-o-o-o-o-----

"You're right. I've helped you not because it's the right thing to do, but because I had romantic ulterior motives." If only she knew that it's her… I need to change the subject or I'll spill everything, I can't not be honest, especially with her.

"But just so we're clear, you're the one who's cheating."

"Excuse me?"

"I have on good authority that you're Sue Sylvester's mole. And you can deny it all you want, but I know it's true." And I even know and understand why she's doing it but it's bad nonetheless.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sue's not on your side, Quinn. She's not on anyone's side but her own. Can you imagine what she's gonna do once she finds out about your situation? She'll probably try to rip off your uniform with her bare hands. Every time you whisper in her ear, you empower her to do more damage to the Glee Club. And right now, Glee Club is all you have. And if I were you, I'd recognize who my true friends are. Oh, and I'd practice a little bit more. Because you obviously have a lot you need to express."

"Oh, you have no idea." She turns around and starts to walk down the stairs, but before I can leave, she turns her head, looks at me with sad eyes and says with the sharpest voice "By the way, I'm not the one who doesn't recognizes her true friends." It goes right through my heart. Because she's right and because now I get why she said that it'd be hard for her to forgive me. She still resents me for acting that way. And it hurts. She leaves, I stand there trying not to cry and not to follow her.

"Can I use the auditorium for practice?" I kinda need to sing something other than No Air for a change, because out of professionalism I look at Finn when I sing it but I'm always thinking about Quinn, because I truly can't breathe without her.

"You can, but not now, is being used"

"By who?" Someone else at Glee uses the auditorium? That is shocking news.

"Quinn Fabray, she needed to practice, I think it's her way of taking her emotions out and she's going through a lot right now, don't be too hard on her, Rachel"

She followed my advice, I can't help but smile "I don't- … I actually wanted to talk to you about that too. I was thinking we should do a number for her, I've got the perfect song to let her know she's not alone"  
"That's very thoughtful of you, Rachel, thank you, it'll be great. Which song?"  
"Avril Lavigne's Keep Holding On"

I can't practice in the auditorium, but that doesn't mean I can't watch, right? Maybe I shouldn't, but I need to know what it is that she needs to express.

As I enter slowly, her beautiful voice hits me like a rock.

"_Why do you keep coming around playing with my heart?"_

Who is she singing about? Could it be about me?

"_Why don't you get out of my life and let me make a new start?"_ She surely doesn't wanna be my friend and I'm making it hard for her. I should let her be.

"_Let me get over you the way you've gotten over me hey, set me free, why don't you, baby?"_ Oh God, she's not over me? Could it really be? No, it can't be. She's got Finn and a baby on the way, this probably means that I'm just a self-centered loser. I keep listening because how can I not? She's gorgeous and so is her voice.

"_But how can we still be friends when seeing you only breaks my heart again?"_ Maybe she is in fact singing to me. But I need to know for sure, because if she is, I've got to change my strategy, if she's not over me, then she doesn't love Finn, so I must let her know how I really feel. She finishes her song and I get out of there before she notices me.

I now have to think in my next plan: keep trying to be her friend but smoothly start to let her see I want more, to find out if she's really not over me.

"Or that Santana is latina, or that Quinn is..."

"...pregnant." As soon as that word comes out of Sue's mouth, I look at Quinn. She's out of breath and I just want to go down there and hold her, Finn's not doing the best job right now, but then again, he's shocked too. I'm going to kill Jacob.

I can't believe Quinn managed to sit there through the entire Glee Club meeting without breaking down, and when she finally does it is in the middle of the hallway, she can't take it anymore and this time Finn's there, giving her his full support and I have to admit that I wish he wasn't. I wish that that was me comforting her.

----o-o-o-o-o----

Sue knows. Everybody will know and my life as I know it will end. I cannot explain how I'm feeling right now but it makes me forget about the stupid situation I have going on with Rachel because I need her right now. At this very moment I don't care about anything else, I want my best friend. Well, at least I kinda have Finn, who's telling me it's ok.

"I'll see you in 10 minutes in the auditorium guys, go get change" Mr Schue says as he pass by and I don't understand a thing, I break the hug with Finn "change for what? We just left the choir room…"

"We… well, we've been rehearsing… we want to sing something to you, we got clothes for you and the lyrics but you know the song… we rehearsed the choreography with another song so you know it already"

I'm standing here with the other kids and I couldn't be more grateful for them, this song… Mr Schue really picked a good one and I can't wait for them to start singing it. Finn was right, I know the lyrics but I don't know if I'd be able to sing along, this thing evokes too many emotions.

"_You're not alone, together we stand, I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand"._ She doesn't take her eyes off me and I believe every single word. And I want her to do it, I want her to hold my hand and never let it go.

Through the entire song I try to fight back my tears and I love how Rachel keeps looking at me. Everyone is, they're singing it to me and I love them, but she looks at me different, she's not just saying these words to me. She's begging me to let her hold me. Her eyes beg me to keep holding on and that's why I believe her… we'll make it through.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you all! =)

After I wrote this I realized that I did it thinking about "High School" in my country. I don't really know if there are Cheerleaders before High School, but in my story you can be one, so I hope you let it pass (is a small mention anyway and for some reason I don't want to take it off).

Hope you enjoy this as much as I did and still do, it's one of my fave chapters so far! R&R, please?

* * *

**Chapter 7**

That night, after Keep Holding On, I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to pretend I was okay, I didn't want to eat dinner on a quiet table that only helped me remember everything that's been going on. So I didn't. I let her hold me instead.

"Rachel, wait!" I yelled out to her when she was leaving the school.

She turned around surprised and I smiled softly "Do you need a ride?" Her response was a huge grin and a walk fast to my car.

When I stopped the vehicle, I grabbed her arm before she could move. "Rachel…" She looked at me with concern and I almost began to cry,,, "Rach…" she smiled immediately, but was a shy smile, "…may I come in? I don't wanna go to my house-"

She didn't let me finish "You can stay over. You never have to ask, remember Quinnie Pooh? This is your house too."

Of course I remembered. It wasn't too long ago anyway, but this time apart made it seem like it was centuries ago.

We were 13.

My dad had somehow found out that I was still friends with Rachel and he wasn't happy. "Somehow" means that my mom told him, she said she didn't mean it, "it had slipped", she'd found out when we were 10 and she'd helped me kept the secret until then. Whatever. He knew. And he ground me for two months and didn't want me to come near the girl, he made me join the Cheerios because he thought that'd tear us apart and the Celibacy Club to keep appearances in the right place. But none of that separated us, it actually made us stronger and grew even closer (if that was even possible), because that night, the first night I was grounded, I learned how to climbed down my bedroom window and how to get to Rachel's house in a 10 minutes run.

I knocked on her door and Sam hugged me as soon as he opened the door and saw me crying.

Louis was already serving me dinner and Rachel came running to my arms. We ate while I explained why I was there and when I finished I asked shyly "May I stay over tonight?"

Both of them answered at the same time. Louis said "Always." Sam said "You've been coming to this house since you guys were 3… you don't have to ask, never"

Rachel smiled and soon added "This is your house too, Quinnie Pooh" Both men nodded and I smiled for the first time that day.

That night, after Keep Holding On, I slept in Rachel's bed, wrapped in Rachel's arm. That night… was the best of my life.

-----o-o-o-o-o------

The night Quinn slept in my arms was the best night of my High School life. Granted, I couldn't sleep much because I wanted, no, **needed** to see her sleep, peacefully and happy for the first time in years. That night, we've became friends again, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Well, actually, we all know I could, but I've accepted the fact that this is as far as I can go.

And this week's been… interesting so far. We're getting closer, slowly, we still have a lot to fix, we hurt each other pretty bad, I actually hurt her too much.

Noah and I kinda started dating, and when I told her she was… okay with it, which really made my stomach sick. Yes, I was hoping to see some jealousy, some hint that she's not over me. But I saw nothing.

It's not like I'm dating him **just** to make her jealous, he's good looking and he could have any girl in the school, but he chose me, how could I say no to that?

Plus, he just sang Sweet Caroline to me. What kind of guy does that?

-----o-o-o-o-o------

He's just a guy that just wants to get into her pants. Nothing more. And Rachel's smarter than that… she won't let him. She won't just swoon over him because he serenaded her. Besides, she doesn't like him, I figured that out the day she told me about their first kiss.

"Noah kissed me" she said out of nowhere and I was shocked, to say the least.

"What?"

"We… we kissed" My thoughts at the moment were something like these: Okay, so she doesn't just like my boyfriend, she's kissing the father of my child now? Why doesn't she just kill me and get it over with?

"You like him now?" I tried to keep it cool, I couldn't show her my jealousy, we were starting to be friends again and I was already sure that I didn't want to lose her again, ever. Even if it meant I would have to cry every night because best-friend was the most I could ask from her.

"Honestly? I don't know, he's a good looking jew and he's nice to me…" That did it for me, I was no longer hurt or worried, she doesn't really like him.

Everything that's going on with Rachel makes me wonder why I'm still with Finn. I love him as a friend, but it's just not fair what I'm doing to him, any of it. I'm not his, neither is my mind or my body, not even my baby is his. I don't wanna hurt him. I'm being as selfish as I can be, and I am sorry about that. But here I am, walking beside him, trying to be cool, for whatever reason. And suddenly… SPLASH.

My first time on this side of a slushie. I run to the ladies room.

------o-o-o-o-o------

I walk in there because of a human need, but I see her. Trying to get slushie off her face. "Oh my god…" I run to her, and try to help.

"Rach… don't" she's not looking at me.

I back off. "Why? What's the matter? Are you alright, Quinn?"

"You can't help me… don't…" she burst into tears and I don't know what to do because she doesn't seem to want me near her.

"I can go if you want to."

"Please, don't… don't go" her voice is barely audible and I need to hug her, I need to kiss her… "Let me help you, it's not that hard to clean it up after the amount of practice I've had."

"That's the problem!" she yells and I think it surprises both of us. Her tears fall quickly now, her eyes are all red when she finally looks at me. "I did this to you" You could see her guilt even with your eyes closed.

"It's ok, Quinn, everything's alright now" I get closer, I hug her. She lets me. "No, it's not… I'm so sorry…" she sobs, I hug her tighter. She calms down. We smile at each other.

A few days after that I'm breaking up with Noah. "It's Finn, right?" I don't answer, because it's so not Finn.

"He's never going to leave Quinn. Not with that baby in her belly." It hurts too much that he's right. They won't break up because they're having a baby together, and oh yes, they're in love. At least I think they are. Finn's a subject Quinn and I won't talk about just yet.

"You like her, don't you? I can see you staring at her when I'm staring at Finn." I'm not lying to him, I stare at Finn more than I stare at her because he's the one that has her, he holds her and he kisses her in ways I can't. Which is my fault by the way, because I had the opportunity to be that person and I blew it.

Our break up chat doesn't get much better when I call him a jerk, but it's a deep conversation and I'm having it with Noah Puckerman of all people.

"I just think you want it too much. Which is something I can relate to. I want everything too much. Our relationship was built on a fantasy, like every other one in my life." I'm telling this to him because I can't tell her and I need to let it out.

"I think I just agreed to us being together. Because I thought it would make Finn jealous." Now I'm lying to him. But I can't come out to **Puck**. Not for the being gay or bi thing, but for the Quinn thing. "I just hope we can still be friends."

"We weren't friends before." I'm glad I called him a jerk.

-----o-o-o-o-o------

"Q, take off those sunglasses. I want to look in your eyes when I give you this

piece of business." For the first time I'm scared of Sue, because I think I know what she'll say next.

"You're off the cheerios. I can't have a pregnant girl on my squad. You're a disgrace." It hits me hard, even though I knew it was coming the moment she found that. My dad made me be a Cheerio in the first place but I stayed because I actually liked it.

I cry alone in the bathroom before Glee starts.

"You okay, Quinn?" Mr. Schue is a sweety, he loves us all.

"Do I look okay? I'm devastated. Now that I'm off the cheerios, I'll start every day with a slushie facial."

"That's okay if that happens, Quinn. Because there are eleven of your friends right here who are going to be more than happy to help clean you off." Everyone agrees with him and I can't help but smile, because no matter what happens, I know I'll always have at least one of them.

Tonight, after that Glee practice, I'm staying at Rachel's again. Tonight, I'm about to relive the best night of my life.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks, thanks, thanks! We're getting closer to what we're waiting for!

As always, R&R =)

Side Note: My thoughts are with everyone in Chile and with everyone that has family or friends there. Heymaria, I hope you and everyone you love are fine!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

These past few weeks had been nothing but great.

We've been talking more and more after school. I've helped Finn to find a job because I couldn't make her to take the money my dads gave me for her, she helped me clean the pasta out off my face and I sang most of Defying Gravity looking right into her eyes in my unique attempt to let her see –smoothly- that I'm ready for more than a friendship.

------o-o-o-o-o-------

These weeks I've watched her crushed on Mr. Schue (and I still hear her going on about it every night on the phone), getting even closer to Finn and getting closer to me too. She's a good friend… ok, she's the best… but that's not the point.

I've also seen her sang Defying Gravity, and she looked at me when she sang things like _"It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap"_ and _"Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know… Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I'd lost"_ I'm really hoping she meant what I think she meant, but I know it's mostly wishful thinking because she obviously likes Finn (and Mr. Schue right now, but that doesn't count, I'm sure that little crush will be over soon enough).

------o-o-o-o-o-------

I feel like such an idiot for my crush on Mr. Schuester. But it's fine now and he is ok with me so that's good. But that wasn't the only thing in my mind since this whole sing-a-ballad thing started. Of course Quinn was still my priority so I called Tina to tell her my idea, we should sing a ballad to her, to them… to show them our support. And I, once again, got the perfect song.

Now I'm in the ladies room and I hear someone crying… and it pains me to realize that I've heard her cry so many times in these few weeks that I can tell it's her.

"Quinn?"

"Rach? Come in" she says between sobs and I see a door get slightly open.

"Quinnie, what happened?" I'm always afraid to ask that question because she has more than enough reasons to cry so it's not like it needs to happen something new for her to do it. She makes room for me to sit on the toilet next to her.

"Finn…" she is finding the words and I wait… did Finn broke up with her? I feel bad that I almost smiled at the thought. "Finn… told my parents, they know, Rachel, they know" she rests her head on my lap and I wrap my body around hers. I place a kiss on her head as I rub gently her back. I want to keep kissing her but realize that it might led to nothing good, well, nothing that should be happening now anyway.

-----o-o-o-o-o-------

"Shh.. it'll be ok…" she tries to calm me down, she gives me the sweetest kiss in the head and I can't help but to feel the need to stay there forever. "Do you need a place to stay? You already know you're more than welcome in my house" she says softly and I cry harder. She knows my parents better than I do, she knows what was their reaction without me having to tell her. "I… Finn.." I swallow. I still won't move my head, because I don't dare to look at her as I say "I'm staying with Finn" and I realize I need to see her reaction so I try to sit better and look right into her eyes. She looks disappointed.

"Oh, that's… that's understandable, I guess." She recomposes herself. "Still, you know that whatever happened between us and whatever the future has in store for us, nothing will ever change the fact that my house is also yours" As always, she smiles and I melt.

And I kicked myself mentally because I really should've gone to Rachel's. But at that moment, when I was getting out of my house, I wasn't thinking clearly, no, I wasn't thinking at all. My legs were moving because they have a brain on their own remember? But my own brain was blank. Finn led me to his car and drove us both to his house without even asking, and as I said, I wasn't processing anything.

When I snapped out of it, I was in the bed that his mom had made for me and he was looking at me so happy, telling me how he was going to take care of both of us.

I feel awful for staying there because he's not even the father. I have to find the strength to break his heart by telling him I want to move out, by telling him my baby isn't his, and by telling him I don't love him anymore (he doesn't need to know I never actually did). That's a lot of strength I don't think I have.

"Quinn?" Rachel asks and I think she's been trying to get me to say something for a while now, she looks worry. "Sorry, I think I spaced there for a second".

"It's fine" she smiles again "everything's gonna be fine", God, I love her smile. If my parents kicked me out of the house because I'm pregnant, I can't imagine what they would do if they found out I'm in love with a girl.

"We should go to Glee now, there's something there for you, for you and Finn" I raise my eyebrow at her, but figure she won't tell me, so I stand up.

"Thanks, Rach" She grabs my hand, squeeze it a little "No need to thank me, Quinnie Pooh" We smile at each other and leave, hand in hand. And God, for the life of me, I cannot remember why I'm still just her friend. And more importantly, why am I doing this to myself?

------o-o-o-o-o-------

I'm surprise she doesn't let go of my hand in the hallway, but there's no one there anyway, so maybe that's why. Or maybe she doesn't care. We're the first ones to enter the choir room and I motion for her to sit as I put a chair for Finn right next to her.

Everyone join us soon and we sing "Lean On Me" to them. My eyes leaving her just a few times just to look at him because I love him as a friend and I want him to know I'm here too. But mostly, it's about her and I love the way she looks at me with her teary eyes.

The song ends and she gives me a small smile and goes to talk to Mr. Schue. And I remember I still need to confirm if she still has feelings for me, because living in Finn's house instead of mine makes me think she doesn't.

-----o-o-o-o-o------

"Can I use the auditorium, Mr. Schue?" I need to sing, I need to let it all out before it eats me from the inside out. I'm loving having Rachel in my life again, but I still need more, I'm right there again where I need to tell her how I feel, but I can't do that, I won't make the same mistake again.

"Sure" is his brief answer as he leaves. And I run over there.

-----o-o-o-o-o------

I see her running and I wonder where she wants to go so desperately, so I follow, it's the logical thing to do, right?

I should've known she was coming here. She sits in the piano and I watch from a seat she wouldn't be able to see.

I don't recognize the firsts notes, that's my cue to listen even more carefully, the lyrics might give me an answer after all.

"_Everytime I feel alone. I can blame it on you. And I do, oh  
You got me like a loaded gun, golden sun and sky so blue.  
We both know that we want it, but we both know you left me no choice"_

I have to grab on to the seats next to me 'cause I almost fell and the slightest noise would've make her aware of my presence and with a start like that, I need to hear the whole song. I mean, she's right… I did got her like a loaded gun… and I didn't do anything, she could've been mine and I let her go. So. Stupid.

"_Chaque fois que tu t'en vas. __You just bring me down.  
__Je pretends que tout va bien. __So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you"_

Good Lord, she's even singing in French?? That's the hottest thing I've ever heard and I don't really care what she's saying because her english' words make everything clear. God, everything is SO clear for the first time.

"_Sometimes I watch the world go by, I wonder what it's like…  
To wake up every single day, smile on your face, you never tried.  
We both know we can't change it, but we both know we'll just have to face it"_

As she sings the chorus again, I don't listen, because my brain is stuck on those two last verses… we **can** change it, because we both still want it.

_"If only I could give you up… But would I want to let you off of this soapbox baby?  
We both know that we want it. But we both know you left me no choice"  
_  
Again with the chorus and again with my guilt. It **was** my fault, I **did** leave her with no other choice, I **am** that dumb. But I can fix it, I can fix it now because…

"_We both know that I'm not over you… I'm not over you"_

I haven't smiled this wide in almost two years. I haven't felt this good in that long. I'll go home and think about how I'm gonna approach my next mission: stop being subtle, get my Quinnie Pooh, make her really **mine**, once and for all.  
Also, download this amazing song. I have to find it, but something tells me I won't have any kind of trouble to remember the lyrics.

* * *

The song is "Til I Get Over You" by Michelle Branch. I needed Quinn to sing this song since I first came up with this fic. And as a completely random side author note: I'd love to hear a Michelle Branch's song in Glee :P


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks again! Love you all! And if you're lurking, you can review too =)

I needed to get this chapter out, it was on the way XD I didn't like it too much, but I don't really care because all I care is that I can't wait to write about Sectionals! lol

* * *

**Chapter 9**

I've been trying to see if Puck could be a good father, part of me really wants to keep this baby, even if I don't have a house for us. No, I don't want him in **my** life, I want him in his daughter's, there's a difference. But despite my -and maybe his- best efforts, he's just a teenage boy and he won't be growing up anytime soon.

I even gave Rachel the greenlight to have a "date" with Finn, yeah, I know, I'm absolutely insane, but I needed to figure this thing out with Puck without anyone knowing about it.

We were in her bedroom when the subject came up. "Quinn, I know we've never talked about it, but seeing our current friendship I assume you forgave me for kissing Finn" I looked at her and considered being honest for a change.

"Rach…" I hide my face in the pillow and mumble "I don't really love Finn."

She wasn't speaking and I wasn't going to look at her face too see her reaction. I had finally said something true about this, so I needed to keep talking, I needed to let everything out of my chest "I… I don't even like him, y'know? He's a good friend and I do love him as one, I felt safe with him and the pressure from my parents, well, you know about that, and then there was this… thing... at the time, you know, we weren't talking and I needed someone… and he was right there…" I finally looked at her just in time to see a smile on her face.

"Well, we're talking now" she stated the obvious but I knew what it implied, she was saying I have no more reasons or excuses to stay with him. "…but I get that he's the father of your baby, so that must be difficult for you-"

"Rach I-" I tried to tell her, I really did, I was about to, but she wasn't listening because she wanted to talk now, and when Rachel is talking, no one can stop her.

"Anyway, Quinn, I don't want you to be mad or anything but Friday night he's gonna come over… if you don't mind of course, I don't even know why I invited him I just-"

"That's fine" I knew she was going to invite him, I'd planned this. It hurts that she likes him that much. But it's good to know she's telling me and I know she won't kiss him again because she is too loyal for that. "I trust you"

"But Rach, I need to tell you some-"

"Girls, dinner's ready" I'd never, never in my entire life disliked Sam as much as I did then. Although not really, but you know what I mean. I actually thought about sleeping over that night so I could tell her the whole truth about the baby, but once the moment was gone I couldn't find the words, so I went back to Finn's.

But I needed to tell her, because no matter what had happened between us, I still want to be honest to her, I need my best friend and besides, I've never broke a promise. And we were 10 we made a promise to each other.

---

"Due to the circumstances I say we should make a promise. Never, ever, lie to each other again. About anything. We may lie to everyone else, because well, we're humans, but we'll always know the truth about the other. Deal?" The "circumstances" Rachel was speaking of, were that she had lost a t-shirt she had borrowed from me and didn't tell me. When I finally found out she had lost it, I wasn't mad at that, I was upset because she didn't trust me enough to tell me and because she feared me enough to not want to deal with the consequences.

"Deal." I smiled at her because she was so cute, feeling so bad and making a big deal out of something so small. Rachel Berry, always the drama queen.

"I promise, Quinnie Pooh. Do you promise?"

"I promise, Rigel. I could never lie to you anyway, even if I wanted to." Not that I'd ever want to.

---

At Glee Club we sang True Colors (we also performed a mash-up of "Hair/Crazy in love" this week and Rachel looked so hot it was ridiculous) and I could feel her eyes on me most of the time, I couldn't turn my head to see her, but I could feel her staring and singing to me and it felt good… although maybe it was my imagination getting the best of me. Maybe she was just looking at Tina who was singing or at Finn, they were both on the same direction as me. I couldn't look at her subtly because there was no one I could pretend I was watching, but those lyrics… I meant to sing every word to her and whether she was singing to me or not, I know she's the only one who can see my true colors.

------o-o-o-o-o------

We haven't talked that much these past few weeks, the best moments were when she came to my house and told me she didn't like Finn and when we sang True Colors. It sucked that Mr. Schue didn't give me the song, I was the one who chose it after all, and I wanted to sing it to Quinn, looking right into her eyes, but I couldn't. It was good though because she was beautiful sitting right next to me singing it (and I can't even begin to describe how sexy she was on "Hair/Crazy in love" God, how could I ever let that girl go?).

Now Mr. Schue wants me to look for a co-captain for the yearbook photo. She's coming to my house tonight and I'm hoping she'll say yes.

"Rach, I'm sorry, but I can't… I…"

"It's fine, I get it, you're going to try to be a Cheerio again, right?"

"You know me better than anyone" she smiles slightly and my heart skips a beat.

"Yeah. It's weird. I mean, I get why you like cheerleading, especially when you get to see those girls in their uniform, right?" I wink and smirk at her, we've never talked about this before because well, you know what happened when she came out to me. I don't know how comfortable she is with the subject but she's laughing so that must be a good sign.

"That certainly doesn't hurt"

"Well, what I don't understand is why you'd want to be a **Cheerio**, especially after the way Sue treated you and still treats the Glee Club"

"I know, but I can't apply to be a cheerleader in other school and I do love that uniform… even on me" she laughs again and it sounds so good.

"Well, what's not to love?" I smirk once more and she blushes and looks down.

"Rach… I've been meaning to talk to you about something"

"What is it?"

"_I hope you're happy, I hope you're happy now"_

It's the first time in my life that I hate my ringtone and whoever is calling. I look at it, it's Finn. Quinn tells me to go ahead so I answer. In the middle of the conversation that I'm not really listening to, Quinn comes up to me, gives me a quick kiss in my free cheek and leaves. I think she whispered something like "we'll talk later". She's running fast to the door so I can't stop her. She's gone.

A few days had past and we couldn't find time alone to talk. We just took the picture for the Yearbook, all of us, it was amazing.

"Quinn!" I call out to her, I have a feeling we're ready to let the Glee Club kids know that we're friends.

"Rachel" she turns around and comes towards me smiling happily.

I take her by the hand, very slowly, giving her time to let go if she wants to, but she doesn't, I lead her to the seats. "I know you did this, Quinn. I'm so proud of you and wanted to thank you" I hug her.

She pulls me away, thankfully is not because she's ashamed, she looks right into my eyes "How did you-?"

"I saw you walking in the hallway with your Cheerio uniform and.. well, I kinda kept staring at you until you went to Sue's office, so I had to follow because I needed to be ready to jump in if something went terribly wrong. I guess I should've known better, huh? Quinn Fabray can hold her own." I can feel my cheeks starting to burn and I actually am hoping she notices.

She smiles wider than I've seen her in a long time "I guess that was the Rachel Berry in me…" she takes my hands into hers "…you know, the loser, musical-lover in me" She jokes and we laugh. And these are the moments where I fully know and accept that I really love this girl and nothing in the world could ever change that.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm pretty sure the next one will be the last chapter, but right now I'm hoping you like this one =) As always, R&R.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

I wasn't thinking. I've confirmed my suspicions and my anger got the worst of me. I hate to admit it but it's the truth.

After I saw Quinn talking to Puck about the disease I told her about, I knew, but I needed her to tell me. After we chose the ballad, I pull Quinn aside and everyone was too busy talking to Mercedes to care about us.

"You promised." I first said more sad than angry.

"What?" she was confused.

"Don't play stupid with me, Fabray!" I still don't know what came over me, it's like I was the mean Cheerio this time. "Puck is the father and **everyone** knew but me! You didn't trust me, you lied to Finn and more importantly you lied to **me**" In the middle of that, she said something I didn't hear, but it was something like "everyone?"

She began to cry and I couldn't handle the sight of it, this time I couldn't hear her, it all hurt too much. "Rach, I tried, I wanted to-"

"No. I don't care, okay? You didn't. You broke your promise." I walked out of there and Finn followed me so I told him as soon as we were out.

But telling him calmed me down a little, and it hit me. She tried to tell me, she really did and we were interrupted. Maybe she tried to tell me more than once and I didn't pay enough attention because I was too worried about myself and my feelings.

So I regretted it immediately. And when my brain got back to the school Finn was nowhere to be seen. Without even thinking I ran back to the choir room. It was bad, Finn punching Puck, Quinn crying her heart out, myself feeling guilty…

"I'm done with all of you!" Finn stormed out of the room better than I ever did and Quinn looked at me so devastated that I wanted to die right there. She ran off and after a minute or two I went to find her.

I have found her now and I don't know what to tell her, I do know, though, that my behaviour wasn't good so I should apologize.

"I'm so sorry. I fully understand if you want to beat me up. If you can, just try to avoid my nose." I close my eyes expecting something but knowing she wouldn't punch anyone, ever.

"I'm not mad at you." I look at her and I can't believe her words. "All you did was what I wasn't brave enough to do… tell the truth"

"I was selfish when I told him. I wanted to break you two up, so he would want to be with me." Wait, what? I hate how my brain works sometimes, I know I'm lying to her because I was about to tell her 'so _you_ would want to be with _me_' and it's so not the time, but I still feel awful because I'm lying to her, that's never good, especially after what I told her earlier about the promise.

"And now neither of us has him. I have hurt so many people…" I can't say anything, we both have hurt too many people, starting with each other, we were both so stupid and it's time to put an end to this. That's why I don't argue when she asks "Can you go now? I just really want to be alone."

----o-o-o-o-o-----

I'm not surprised I'm sitting alone in the bus on the way to Sectionals. I screwed up bad and now it's finally all in the open… well, almost, but no one needs to know about my feelings for Rachel.

"May I sit or do you still need to be alone?" It takes me a few moments to realize she's standing beside me waiting for an answer.

"I'd love some company right now" I try to smile but fail miserably.

"Quinn, I'm still sorry, even if you're not mad at me and I need for us to be okay before the performance or I'm not gonna be entirely there and we both know this club needs me 110% there now more than ever."

I do chuckle at that, only Rachel Berry. "We are okay, Rach"

"But I lied to you too"

"What?" It comes out angrier than I intended, it was more shock and confusion in my head.

She doesn't look at me, she's staring down at her hands. "I… did tell Finn for selfish reasons, but it wasn't because I like him. I mean, part of me did tell him because he's my friend and I thought it was fair for him to know the truth. But the selfish part of me wanted to finally break you two up, because if he found out from you, then maybe, just maybe you guys would have work things out and I couldn't… I can't…" she starts crying, trying hard not to.

I feel lost. I don't quite understand what she's trying to tell me, why would she care if we're together if she doesn't like him. But before I can say anything she finds her strength again and keeps talking "I know you don't really like him so I didn't want you to settle for him again, because you deserve so much better, Quinn, you deserve someone who feels the exact same way about you that you feel about them, you deserve someone who takes care of you even when you're too afraid to ask, you deserve someone who knows that your eyes light up every time you see a bird through your window, someone who knows exactly how to hold your hand to make you smile, because there's a spot there that is like a trigger, you know? Your smiles comes up instantly at the touch" I'm crying ever since she said I deserved better, but now, she's proving her last point by reaching my hand, and I didn't really notice this before but I feel the smile on my face and it's incredible.

She looks at me now and we both smile as she continues "We both know I think highly of myself but this is the most egomaniac comment you'd ever hear me say: you deserve me."

My eyes are as wide open as they can be and I think they might have fallen out because suddenly I'm not seeing anything anymore, I'm not listening, I'm out of my body for a second before I check back into reality. "What?" It seems I can't say anything other than that during this ride.

"**I** probably don't deserve **you**, but I'm asking you Quinn Fabray, can you be my Quinnie Pooh again? Can we try to be more than friends?" She's looking at me hopeful and I'm completely speechless…

"Okay kids, we're here!" Everyone but us screams and starts to get up and get out. I take her hand and she makes sure to touch me in that spot. "Come on, we'll talk about this after we win Sectionals" I say smiling to her and we get out never breaking the contact.

----o-o-o-o-o-----

"This is your chance, don't screw it up" Finn is the hero of this thing and I really wish his words would help me to relax but they don't. He goes to Brittany and the rest of the group to go over the steps but I'm freaking out, walking from one side of the room to the other. I have been working on that song since I was four, but I also had stopped singing it about two years ago.

"Hey, listen to me" Quinn grabs my arms and holds me still, looking intensely in my eyes. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna sing that song I love so much, right? Don't Rain On My Parade?" I only nod, her eyes are captivating and I can't do anything else because I'm lost in them and in her words. "Then listen to me carefully, I've listened to you sing that song thousands of times, I know you do it flawlessly each time, so don't worry about it. Get out there and show them the star that you are. You are and always will be my Rigel, but now it's time for you to start becoming the Rigel of Earth" She wipes away the tear that escaped my eye after I heard her say that nickname again. God, it's been too long. And this is it. I somehow got my answer from the bus, I'm hers and she's mine and she just gave me all the strength I needed to get out there. I smile at her as widely as I can. "Thanks, Quinnie Pooh"

"Okay guys, let's rehearse this choreography at least once before we get on the stage" We hear Artie say and we get to work.

Being the professional that I am I couldn't risk the choreography so in many occasions I had to stop the urge to hold her hand and sing to her in the middle of the stage. Especially during Somebody To Love. But we did manage to glance at each other and smile more than once.

---o-o-o-o-o----

We're in the bus back to the school now, we're all too excited, singing and congratulating ourselves.

"Hey guys, we should do a number for Mr. Schue" We all immediately agree with Finn.

"Oh, I know the perfect song!" Rachel beams. She's standing in front of me between two seats,

"No!" Mercedes shocked everyone. "You've been choosing songs since I don't know when, it's time to let someone else do it, you're probably gonna sing the lead anyway"

"But I- How do you know?"

"Every time I tried to make a suggestion to Mr. Schue, he told me you already had given him a song, you chose 'Keep Holding On', 'Defying Gravity', 'True Colors'…"

"Lean on Me" Tina adds and Rachel looks down embarrassed and I can't believe it, she did that for me, all of those songs, she chose them for me and suddenly my heart beats faster, she tried, she tried hard to mend it and now I know she has. We're really okay now, we can start over and we can try because I love her too damn much not to.

"Well, I have a song…" Rachel looks at me even more surprised than everyone else.

I smile at her and I'm telling her everything with my eyes.

"Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You" and she smiles back. They agree and start talking about the choreography but neither of us is listening, too lost in ourselves and the words we're saying to each other via telepathy.

The bus stops and we all get down. Some of the kids go to their cars and others run to their parents who are waiting for them and I see Finn, with his mom, and it hurts too much, I can't go back there, Finn would never throw me out but I can't do that to them. I'd slept at Brittany's last night, maybe I could stay there for a couple of days...

"Quinn?" I can't believe I've forgotten Rachel was next to me. I look at her, trying not to cry. "You know…"

"Is my house too? I know...but, Rach…" She waits for me to continue, she has no idea what I'm about to say. "I… I want to take this, us, slow... and moving in with you it's definitely not slow"

She smiles at me because I'm finally saying out loud what I said to her through looks all day. "I see your point and normally I wouldn't argue, but right now, Quinn, can you think of a better place to go?"

I get closer to her, suddenly not caring we're in the middle of the street and some of the Gleeks are still there, and with their parents, I let my hand touch her face "And what about us?" I whisper.

She takes my hand off her face, kisses it and holds it firmly between hers. "What about us? We can take it slow, we can, it's not like we're gonna share the bedroom... and knowing us, we'll probably be most of the time together anyway, but we could do an extra effort not to rush things"

Louis and Sam come happy toward us "Congratulations!" they both hug and kiss us. "Are you girls ready to go home?" Picture me confused.

"You already know?"

Rachel looks at me with her I'm-sorry eyes "I told them last night. After Finn's reaction well, I figured…"

"It's okay, and I'm perfectly ready. For once, I can't wait to get **home**" I smile, Rachel takes my hand and we leave.

And I **really** can't wait to get home and be alone with Rachel because as slow as I want to take this, I've been dying to kiss her for years and I'm pretty sure she gave me a greenlight today.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks to everyone who read this story all the way through! For all your kind reviews and even if you've been lurking anonymously. Thanks! This is the last chapter and I still expect some reviews whether good or bad.

I'm probably not gonna stop writing Faberry anytime soon, I have a one-shot written for a while now that I might publish soon. And I also have a multi-chapter in Spanish in the works.

One last dedication: To Chile! I can't stop thinking about everyone there and everything that's happening. And to my new girls, the fantastic twins (they put pressure on me to upload fast :P)

Enjoy this last chapter! And thanks again =)

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"Quinnie! Come on! We're here together, it's not that bad… you should sing that song, you know? I'm sure it'll make you feel better"

"What song?"

It was one of my sad days, I was 8 and I had sad days every once in a while since my parents forbid me to see Rachel. I hated them for hating Louis and Sam, who were the most amazing parents I've known. And that particular day Rachel couldn't find a way to make me feel better, because that day I was really down, I wasn't just sad and tired about the lying and stuff, that day my dad had said mean things to me because I was watching a TV special about Hanukah (I wanted to learn for Rachel, of course).

That was the first time Rachel sang to me **that** song to make me feel better.

"_Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter  
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter  
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade  
Don't tell me not to fly, I simply got to  
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you  
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade"_

It worked. It made me smile, I honestly never knew if it were the lyrics or Rachel singing it, because damn, even at the age of 8 she could sing that song perfectly.

--

Throughout the years Rachel always made my world brighter, my life easier. She just knows me, I don't need to say what's going on, she knows the exact ways to comfort me, she knows when I need to be alone and how to make me smile, she knows that spot in my hand and she even knows the amount of salt I put in my food. I'm only sixteen years old and I know she is the one, because no one will ever get to know me as well as she does, and I'll never know someone as well as I know her.

"If you'll excuse us, we're going to put Quinn's things in her bedroom and we'll be back for dinner" Rachel states like dinner is almost ready, when in reality it's like 2 hours away. And I don't mind, I don't mind at all.

Once in my new bedroom we sit down on the bed, in front of each other, staring, looking through each other's eyes, taking it all in.

"Quinn, we need to talk about this" Of course Rachel is the one who breaks the silence, but I can't, I don't wanna talk, not yet, there's something I need to do first. "I'm so-"

Not listening, not caring, I cut her off. I kiss her and it's better than I've ever imagined. Soft and sweet, and as my tongue seeks entrance I know one thing, I don't want to accelerate its rhythm, I want to keep this slow, step by step, I want to remember every taste. We're both passionate people so there will be much more passionate kisses in the future, but this one right here, our first, I want to keep it like this, soft and sweet, so very sweet.

Smiling we end the kiss and bury our heads against each other's necks. We stay like that for a while until she pulls away, just enough to look me in the eyes. "We do need to talk, you know?" she says it softly, like she can't find the voice to break this moment. I smile shyly and nod. "I'm sorry, Quinnie, I'm sorry for everything I put you through, I'm sorry it took me so long to finally let myself do that because God… we could've been kissing like that for almost two years now, and it's my fault we didn't, I'm so sorry"

Her eyes are filled with tears "Rach…" she cries and looks down "Rach… Rigel" I tilt up her head and wipe her tears out. I talk as softly as she does "Maybe we needed that, maybe we weren't ready, okay? It doesn't matter, it helped us to get to this point. And I'm loving this point"

"Me too" She kisses me now and it's a bit more heated but still sweet, I could really get used to this.

She lays down on the bed and her arms reach for me, I smile and lay down very close to her, she puts her arm around me, rubbing my back with her hand, and my hand moves to her face, touching her slowly, enjoying every feeling, our faces are so close that our noses are almost touching. We stay like this, looking at each other, smiling, no one daring to break the perfect silence.

----o-o-o-o-o----

But after a few minutes (or a couple of hours, I don't actually know) I can't help myself. Come on, I'm Rachel Berry, and as much as I'm enjoying the silence, the looks, her smell and her touch… as much as I want to stay like this forever, I'm in front of Quinn Fabray so I have the urge to speak… "You are so beautiful" you can't hold it against me, you would have feel the need to say it as well, it was barely a whisper anyway.

She doesn't smile, she just keeps looking at me like she was seeing me for the first time, I can tell she's watching every inch of my face, deep.

She finally whispers "I was so right about calling you 'Rigel'. You're something else, Rach, you're out of this world. You are a star."

"I'm your star" and I kiss her, because that small space between us was pissing me off.

She breaks the kiss and cuddle against me, and I'm happy to be hugging her like this, so close, so tight, so perfect.

"You know, the night after 'Keep Holding On' was the best night of my life, but this one right here already top it and we didn't even have dinner yet" she confesses against me.

"Well, that was one of my best nights too… but you want to know what the very best night of my life was?" She slowly moves her head up, not really wanting letting go off me, and I quickly add "Before this one, of course" My smile is wide and she moves her head down against my chest again, kissing one of my arms that are holding her. "Tell me" she replies softly.

"Remember when we were 11 and you stayed over, and I cried because my parents still didn't let me go see Rent, although that time was the movie that just came out but it was rated PG-13, so you made me those famous and delicious cookies you always used to made me and then we played, sang and danced until four in the morning? It was our first time we stayed up that late. You fell asleep and I couldn't do anything else but to watch you, I couldn't close my eyes until 6 because I couldn't take my eyes off of you and couldn't stop thinking about the whole night and our entire lives."

She wrap her arms even tighter around me and whispers "I remember that night, I always thought that I had a dream that night where you kissed my forehead and I loved the feeling it caused… it wasn't a dream, was it?" she pulls away from me, although she's still pretty close, and looks at me expectantly.

"It wasn't." I smile at her and kiss her forehead like it should give her a flashback of some kind. "I think, I think I began to like you, **like** you, that night"

"But… but you didn't-"

"I know, I think I didn't realize it after it was too late. Quinnie, what you said to me that night…"

"No, forget it, okay? It doesn't matter, we're here now" But it does matter and I need her to know. "Please, Quinn, I didn't say anything that night because I was in shock, I handled things so badly, I was afraid to lose you as a friend and I lost you anyway and what you said you felt, I-" I'm crying like an idiot now and she put an end to my rambling by crashing her lips on mine, and I make a mental note to ramble more often in front of her.

"Sh… we both made things difficult for each other after that night, but it's all in the past now, we both made things better and we've forgiven each other. We can be open and honest about our feelings with ourselves and with the other now, and Rigel, I really like you, I've never stopped. I was so lost, I don't wanna ever lose you again because when you're not in my life I lose myself too." She likes me… wait, she **likes** me, but she **loved** me before. Or maybe she's too afraid to say it out loud now, which I wouldn't blame her for, but I can't let her think like that, I have to let her know that every single feeling she has for me is exactly how I feel about her.

"Girls, would you come down and help set the table?! Dinner's almost ready!" My dad always having a perfect timing. "We're coming!" I yell as I stand up, but her hand stops me.

"We're telling them, Rach. I know it's probably too soon, but I'm not keeping anything front them, I'm not gonna live a secret life under their roof, they're giving me a home" Her eyes are begging me and even though I do think it's too soon, I also know that she's right, I don't want to keep anything from my parents either and it's not like our relationship won't last anyway. "Come on, we'll tell them right now that we're all gay for each other" I smirk at her, we both get up and before we leave, she kisses me again and I melt, and don't want this moment to end but she drags me downstairs.

----o-o-o-o-o-----

"Are you all settle, Quinn?" We all sit down around the table looking extremely happy, and I'm ashamed at the thought that I should've moved in with this people years ago.

"I am, thanks. Really, for everything"

"Nonsense, you're part of this family since you girls were like 6 years old" Sam agrees with his husband and squeezes his hand over the table. Rachel looks at me and smirks and I know everything she's about to do.

"Dad, daddy… Quinn and I have an announcement to make" I feel my cheeks burning and it's even more embarrassing because she makes it sound so serious… They actually stop eating and look worried at us. And then she does it, she grabs my hand over the table, looks at me sweetly, and if I didn't love her before I would've fallen right now, but I'm loving this woman since like forever, so this is just adorable. I smile at her giving her permission to say whatever she wants.

"Quinn and I are… well, we didn't actually go on a date yet so we're not technically dating, but it's safe to say that Quinn is my girlfriend" She looks at me again and we both smile, "girlfriend", it sounds really good when she says it.

Both men are speechless and for a second I think I might actually die. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe they're not thrilled about this as I thought they were going to be, maybe they don't like it because we're living in the same house and they know what might happen between her daughter and a hormonal pregnant girlfriend of hers, oh my God, maybe they don't like it because I'm pregnant, maybe-

My thoughts are luckily interrupted by Louis. "Girls, this is fantastic! You really belong to each other, when did this happen? " I breathe, seeing the look on Sam's face I know he feels the same way.

Rachel opens her mouth but I squeeze her hand, it's my turn to talk and like that, she gets it so she doesn't speak. "Well, we actually made it official today, but what we feel, it's been building up for a long time now. I hope it really is ok with you, with me living here and all" as I finish that sentence I look at my belly and Sam's quick in his answer "Of course it's okay, we're going to have some new house rules for you girls, but other than that, it's great. I think I'm talking for both of us when I say that we couldn't think of anyone more worthy of our daughter"

"Nor anyone more worthy of you" Louis adds and I just can't help the smile, the laugh, the warm feeling of being loved so much by this people.

The rest of dinner was just as awesome. At times they seemed even more excited than we are (if such a thing is even possible) as they went on and on about how we should make our first date perfect, and how cute we are together.

We go upstairs and I follow her to her room. The last time I was in here I left pieces of my broken heart and now I can't believe how healthy, how not-broken it feels. She closes the door and pushes me against it, not hard as it sounds, but slowly and sexy, she kisses me and breaks away, looking close into my eyes "I love you too, Quinnie Pooh, and that wasn't difficult to say at all. I'm just sorry it took me so long and I hope your feelings remain the same" I could be dead for all I know because I'm pretty sure you can't keep living if your heart stops or if you stopped breathing. And I'm pretty sure I **am** dead because this must be how being in Heaven feels like. I move my hand from her neck to her wrist and bring her closer to me "I'm so in love with you, it's ridiculous". We kiss again. "I love you" she whispers once more between kisses. "I love you" Three little words that had brighten my life.

**The End**


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